The Vault: The Unholy Alliance...
Today, we'll be experiencing some original fiction from my early days on the Interwebs. The title is a long one to boot (but not the longest): The Unholy Alliance - Demons and Humans. Whew! Mouthful!
Let me explain the background before I get into tearing this story apart. The few chapters I wrote of this story were published on a website called 'the Doll Palace' (hence forth will be called 'tDP'). TDP was a dress up/chat room site based on these pixel 'dolls.' The user could create any kind of pixel doll imaginable. I saw just about everything from 'reality based' dolls to Harry Potter inspired and mythical creature dolls. Eventually the site added more things to it (like now they have a colouring section). When I was on the site in sixth/seventh to the beginning of eighth grade (so 2003-2005) there was an area of the site where you could write about a 'premade' doll or one you had made.
This was the first 'writing' website I was involved in. It wasn't officially a writing website mind you but from there, I found out about Quizilla (also not entirely a writing website--I'll explain my adventures there another time), FanFiction.Net and FictionPress.
Yet I digress. The Vault isn't here to discuss my adventures on writing websites. It's here to trash my old work. So let's get back on track shall we?
TUA, was about a girl, Kierra, who was a 'demon.' Sadly, I never ended up finishing it so there's only three chapters. I also recorded a reading (along with commentary) on it on my YouTube channel.
In the beginning, our protagonist is captured by the 'evil' human empire and is making her way toward the human capital of Greten (sound familiar?). I have no idea where this was going. I can't remember what I had planned for this novel. Whatever it was, I can no longer remember and the likelihood of my going back to this (or any stories I plan on using in the Vault) is slim to none.
Also, let me explain the Greten reference above. In the original rendition of 'Turr' (then called Greten), the country of Greten was the biggest country on the map and got its name from the capital city. Of course, Greten now remains the seat of the human empire known as the the 'Hexagon' its capital city has changed from Greten to Oberta.
Anyway, Kierra is captured and heading into the capital of Greten. She's riding in a box;' for some reason, I couldn't think of cage and therefore, she's riding in a box. How I described her was just... Ugh.
Something I've noticed so far in the two stories I've torn apart is all my leads have this unnatural Mary-Sue allure to them. Every male they come into contact with comments on their beauty. After a few years, I know where this comes from. In middle through high school, I had never had a guy tell me he thought I was pretty or beautiful and I wished someone would therefore it reflected in my writing... cliche I know but it's true.
But back to this. In the first chapter, TWO people call her beautiful: one of her guards and, after she is knocked out and taken to Greten, the prince (or at least who I assume is the prince). Second prince to fall for an MC in my writing... Actually three if you count Eric/Zane from Cerulean.
Back to TUA, in the first chapter, Kierra tries to escape from a metal cage. She fails. She's knocked out and wakes up in a holding cell in some castle basement. The prince--whose name isn't mentioned nor do I remember what I was going to name him--talks to her, comments on her beauty (god all over the place!) and she manages to break out. Of a stone building.
She can't break out of a metal cage yet she can break out of a stone prison.... Logic? Faulty.
In the second chapter, Kierra is escaping via flight. She successfully manages to maneuver around the various items being thrown at her--boulders, arrows, etc--yet her down fall is due to a tall leafy plant and breaks her leg. An elf passes by and offers assistance: in return for healing her leg, she has to save his people from this evil ogre.
The castle of the elven kingdom is conveniently on a cliff overlooking her origin country and village. She's gifted this magnificent whitewood bow, which I based off of the bow of a Legolas action figure from Lord of the Rings, made by her savior. They talk about the elven life span (only two thousand years...) and he escorts her out of the castle to her battle with the evil ogre.
For some reason, I have to explain that ogres are very stupid and have bad grammar. Does that mean my younger self was an ogre? I look pretty human to me....
Anyway, she has a battle of wits with this witless ogre and the chapter and novel ends.
Not sure where I would have taken this back in the day. I think I just shrugged it off and left it to rot in the back of my computer, too afraid to delete it... Which brings me to my slight issue with hoarding.
Now, if I were to continue working on this in the now, I'd have her recruit the ogre--causing a rift with the elves--and she'd go about her adventure with the ogre to prove that she isn't a spy--and maybe bring about the downfall of a authoritarian regime.
I think I might just rehash that some where on my literary adventures... but that's for another time.
Always,
Ali
Update 8.21.2016: Retroactively adding pieces to FF/FP and adding links. Sadly, this novel made it to the chopping block and is therefore unavailable.
This was the first 'writing' website I was involved in. It wasn't officially a writing website mind you but from there, I found out about Quizilla (also not entirely a writing website--I'll explain my adventures there another time), FanFiction.Net and FictionPress.
Yet I digress. The Vault isn't here to discuss my adventures on writing websites. It's here to trash my old work. So let's get back on track shall we?
TUA, was about a girl, Kierra, who was a 'demon.' Sadly, I never ended up finishing it so there's only three chapters. I also recorded a reading (along with commentary) on it on my YouTube channel.
In the beginning, our protagonist is captured by the 'evil' human empire and is making her way toward the human capital of Greten (sound familiar?). I have no idea where this was going. I can't remember what I had planned for this novel. Whatever it was, I can no longer remember and the likelihood of my going back to this (or any stories I plan on using in the Vault) is slim to none.
Also, let me explain the Greten reference above. In the original rendition of 'Turr' (then called Greten), the country of Greten was the biggest country on the map and got its name from the capital city. Of course, Greten now remains the seat of the human empire known as the the 'Hexagon' its capital city has changed from Greten to Oberta.
Anyway, Kierra is captured and heading into the capital of Greten. She's riding in a box;' for some reason, I couldn't think of cage and therefore, she's riding in a box. How I described her was just... Ugh.
It looked to be a girl with blue eyes watching the countryside roll by her. Her brown hair hid her pointed ears. It was wavy and had two blue streaks coming from the root of her head. She sighed and took her head out of the slot of the window she wore a blue shirt and tattered pants. A pair of wings on her back completed what she was. A demon.Not bad but certainly not good. I was basing her description off of the doll I was using. I never really described her wings fully. I should have explained their sinewy appearance or that they were reminiscent of a dragon's. For all my readers knew she could have had angel wings. Luckily for me, I had a picture and could be lazy.
Something I've noticed so far in the two stories I've torn apart is all my leads have this unnatural Mary-Sue allure to them. Every male they come into contact with comments on their beauty. After a few years, I know where this comes from. In middle through high school, I had never had a guy tell me he thought I was pretty or beautiful and I wished someone would therefore it reflected in my writing... cliche I know but it's true.
But back to this. In the first chapter, TWO people call her beautiful: one of her guards and, after she is knocked out and taken to Greten, the prince (or at least who I assume is the prince). Second prince to fall for an MC in my writing... Actually three if you count Eric/Zane from Cerulean.
Back to TUA, in the first chapter, Kierra tries to escape from a metal cage. She fails. She's knocked out and wakes up in a holding cell in some castle basement. The prince--whose name isn't mentioned nor do I remember what I was going to name him--talks to her, comments on her beauty (god all over the place!) and she manages to break out. Of a stone building.
She can't break out of a metal cage yet she can break out of a stone prison.... Logic? Faulty.
In the second chapter, Kierra is escaping via flight. She successfully manages to maneuver around the various items being thrown at her--boulders, arrows, etc--yet her down fall is due to a tall leafy plant and breaks her leg. An elf passes by and offers assistance: in return for healing her leg, she has to save his people from this evil ogre.
The castle of the elven kingdom is conveniently on a cliff overlooking her origin country and village. She's gifted this magnificent whitewood bow, which I based off of the bow of a Legolas action figure from Lord of the Rings, made by her savior. They talk about the elven life span (only two thousand years...) and he escorts her out of the castle to her battle with the evil ogre.
For some reason, I have to explain that ogres are very stupid and have bad grammar. Does that mean my younger self was an ogre? I look pretty human to me....
Anyway, she has a battle of wits with this witless ogre and the chapter and novel ends.
Not sure where I would have taken this back in the day. I think I just shrugged it off and left it to rot in the back of my computer, too afraid to delete it... Which brings me to my slight issue with hoarding.
Now, if I were to continue working on this in the now, I'd have her recruit the ogre--causing a rift with the elves--and she'd go about her adventure with the ogre to prove that she isn't a spy--and maybe bring about the downfall of a authoritarian regime.
I think I might just rehash that some where on my literary adventures... but that's for another time.
Always,
Ali
Update 8.21.2016: Retroactively adding pieces to FF/FP and adding links. Sadly, this novel made it to the chopping block and is therefore unavailable.
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